gino.

Note: Published on Page A11 of the May 4, 2006 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer

I OFTEN wonder what my life would have been like had I chosen a different path. Would I have been happier? Would my life be much simpler? What would have happened if I had taken the other branch of the fork in “my road of life”?

For instance, had I pursued my childhood dream of becoming a doctor, I’d probably be a pediatrician now, or a surgeon, or a dermatologist. But I can only guess. And that’s life: whenever you hit a fork in the road, you can only take one path. And once you’ve taken your chosen path, you will never know what would have happened if you took the other.

The roads of our life are intricately constructed. They consist of a series of forks and crossroads, and these make our lives more exciting. The major forks in my road were those that I reached after college.

My college graduation was definitely one of the most memorable events in my life, and it merited a big celebration. After all, I was able to make my parents proud with the pieces of copper metal I brought home. But surprisingly, after the celebration died down, I felt empty. I feared that my college diploma and the honors I had received were not enough to prepare me for the world that I was about to face, the real world.

I had just turned 19 then, and I felt lost, confused and even scared. First, I had to make a choice between exploring the field of medicine or staying put in the more familiar world of chemistry. I chose the latter because it was the world I lived in during my college days. If I managed to survive those four years, I told myself, then I could go on living there for the rest of my life. Simply put, I chose what I thought to be the safer path.

Taking the path immediately led me to another fork. Should I look for a job in industry or in the academe? I decided to take my time before making that crucial decision.

My laziness took over, however. The precious time that I was supposed to spend on evaluating what I wanted to do with my life was spent mostly on sleeping.

I was stuck at this fork for about a year. In that one year, I slept as long as I could until my eyes hurt or my back ached from too much lying in bed, or until I got hungry. When I wasn’t sleeping, I was watching TV. Sometimes, I would just watch the people around me. Everyone was moving. Everyone was doing something. Everyone was living his life the way it was meant to be lived. Everybody, except for me. I was standing still.

Then one day, my father told me something I will never forget. “Chey, life doesn’t end after college,” he said.

My father’s words, simple though they may be, magically shook me out of the trance-like state I was in. I was young and healthy, and I had the whole world in front of me. I had to do something with my life.

With this realization came a decision: I would take the path leading to the academe. Again, I had chosen to take the safer path.

So after a yearlong hiatus, I went back to the comforting arms of the place that I consider my second home, the University of the Philippine in Los Baños. This time, I wasn’t one of those who were copying notes on the blackboard; I was the one writing on it. I quickly discovered that I had a passion for teaching. I liked what I was doing, and I was glad I had chosen the right path.

But after three years, I just got tired of the place, even if it was providing me security. I yearned for a new environment. One day, I woke up facing another fork in my road. Should I continue living in the comfort of my homeland or should I cross oceans and explore the world, literally and figuratively?

At that time, I was 23 — and still feeling lost and confused. But I wasn’t scared anymore. I had become a bit more bold and daring-bold enough to choose a riskier path. I decided to step out of my comfort zone and jump into the unknown, regardless of the perils awaiting me.

It was the biggest risk I’ve taken so far. It meant leaving everyone whom I love and care for. It meant having to do everything by myself. But I had to do it.

It has been almost four years since I started treading the path I had bravely chosen. Though I’m happy with my choice, I wouldn’t say that my journey has been smooth. In fact, I’ve encountered a lot of thorns and bumps in the road, which sometimes made me want to run back to the security of my previous existence. The inner strength, which I didn’t know I had, coupled with my faith in God prevented me from abandoning this branch of the fork.

Although I pretend to ignore it to avoid the stress, I’m aware that a few more steps from where I am now, I’ll be hitting another fork. One side will lead me back to my homeland and the other will keep me on the path I am traversing.

Honestly, it’s difficult to tell which path is safer. The first will take me back where I can be with my loving family again. But the second assures me a fruitful professional career.

When you are 9, or even 23, it’s OK to be scared and confused. But someone who’s about to turn 27 needs to be more courageous and decisive. I hope that when I reach the next fork, I can confidently say: “Hello, fork. I’m 27. I am in control of my life, and I certainly know where I want to go.” Then I hope I will be able to walk in the direction of my chosen path, without looking back.

Michelle D. Regulacio, 26, is studying for her Ph.D. in Chemistry at Georgetown University

posted on Thursday, May 4th, 2006 at 1:28 pm and is filed under on life. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.